Online dating is fascinating.

You can meet thousands of available singles, singles who are literally just a click away, seeking love, romance, dating, marriage, friendship - and yes, of course sex.

Men and women alike join dating services hoping to make new friends and start new relationships.
But there are some common mistakes that nearly ALL people make when using Internet personals. Learning to avoid these common errors will increase your response, and increase your chances for success!

Here are top ten common mistakes people make when dating online. See if you are guilty of some of them.

MISTAKE #1 – Just “Giving it a try”

Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me just give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone - they only HOPE to meet someone.

What is the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough - if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried.

When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to online dating to get the results you want.

BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” - do it to succeed!

MISTAKE #2 - Hoping “the right person will find you”

Most people rely on “free” dating site memberships when posting their profiles. This means that they can receive contacts from other members, but usually cannot answer or respond to ads themselves, or may be very limited in the number or type of messages they can send or receive.

People do this because they really don’t expect online dating to work, and therefore they only give it half an effort, and zero investment.

At best, they hope that other people will write to them first.

Now, if you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t expect that your dream partner will email you out of blue. What if your soulmate is sitting out there, just waiting for YOU to write?

You will get much better results and have a much better chance for success if you are willing to pay a little for an advanced or premium membership to the dating site, and write to other people yourself.

Seeing you as a paid member also lets other people know that you are serious about meeting someone on the site. It will raise their estimation and regard for you, even before they’ve read your profile.

In addition, on most membership sites, paid members will be listed first in any profile searches, increasing your chance of being spotted by your “dream date”.

BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you. Do what it takes to succeed!

MISTAKE #3 - Sending one-liners

It’s amazing how many people using online personals send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”.

Then, if your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, most likely they will just delete your email.

Some *might* actually read your profile - but if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant, then they will also just delete your email.

What will intrigue the person you are writing to, is what interested YOU about THEM.

You don’t have to write a thesis or a term paper. Just mention one or two points about the person’s photo and profile that interested you and compelled you to write.

For example, “I was drawn to your profile by your wonderful smile. I also noticed that you have a passion for parasailing and stamp collecting, which are two favorite hobbies of mine as well. In fact, I would love to find someone to share those pastimes with, and wondered if you might be interested in exploring more?”

Which would you be more likely to respond to? “Hi, liked your profile … see mine”, or the above?

BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.

MISTAKE #4 - Sending form letters

This goes along with Mistake #3 above. I always know when I receive a form letter - always! I am sure you know it too.

If there are no personal references in the letter, for example, then I know this letter was not written especially for me, and that the person writing was probably browsing the profiles and sending out the same message to everyone they looked at. Did they even read my profile? Do they have anything in common with me?

No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special! They also want to know why you are specifically interested in THEM. If they get the impression that you are busy also contacting dozens of other people, they may wonder just how much you were drawn to them in the first place, and whether contacting you will be a wasted effort.

Again, a first contact does not have to be long and involved. It’s too soon to pour out your life’s story. But do take the time to read the person’s profile and to comment on it specifically.

Even if you decide to continue contacts with several other people (at least until you’ve narrowed things down to the ONE), make the other person feel special and unique in your world. They should know that there was something (or many somethings) about THEIR profile that inspired you to write to THEM, out of all the dozens or hundreds of others on the site.

BOTTOM LINE: Write individual and personalized emails for each person you contact.

MISTAKE #5 - Writing boring letters

Many people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say (or can think of to say) and not what the other person is interested to hear.

The result: letters that are just plain BORING! Some people even go so far as to write something that sounds like a recitation of their resume, as if they were being introduced at an awards banquet.

Remember: it’s not about YOU - it’s about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them.

Some things may be uncertain in their profiles - ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids - if she did not have any kids, she would say so.

Ask if she has kids and tell her you think she does and that you just love kiddies.

A person who actually THINKS and what’s more - thinks ABOUT HER, is indeed something special, and your letter is sure to get noticed.

Don’t talk so much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile, or ask you questions) - tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER, based on what SHE wrote. When you do mention yourself, put it in the context of what the other person wrote in their profile.

If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why you think it won’t be a problem (if its not). You pride yourself as having great sense of humor? Don’t just say so – make your letter funny! Make her laugh!

From the first line, your letter should GRAB her attention and she should not be able to stop reading till the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled to check your profile on the Internet personals website.

BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters - the type of letters you would like to receive. And don’t make it about you, make it about THEM!

MISTAKE #6 - Contacting dozens of members at once

Once people pay for their premium membership to the online dating site, they tend to contact dozens of members at once.

The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response, or they figure that by using a “shotgun” approach, they’ll increase their odds. This is the Internet, after all, and they want INSTANT results!

STOP for a minute: what (and who) are you actually looking for?

Probably, you are interested in a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is one person - but the one who is RIGHT for you.

Do you really want to correspond with 30-40 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a few (2-3) that you like or are attracted to the most and write to them first.

Wait until you get responses (or if they don’t answer in a day or so, they’re probably not interested) before contacting other people.

Don’t over-book your dance card. It’s hard to carry on a meaningful correspondence with more than a few people at once – and you’re really only looking for the ONE anyway.

BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once - concentrate on the ones you like the most.

MISTAKE #7 - Not following up

Let’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon”, and then forget it in an instant.

We send an email, never get (or give) a response, and lose the contact forever.

This is extremely important when using Internet personals. If you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you hadn’t heard back from them yet, and you would enjoy hearing from them even if they are NOT interested in more at this time.

Having somebody who is really interested in you, and interested enough to follow up, is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you.

In some online dating articles, it is sometimes advised that not responding is acceptable behavior in the online world. Don’t believe it. Good manners still count.

Unless the contact is clearly a “crank” or “spam” contact, it is only the courteous thing to respond, if only to say something like “I am presently following up with other contacts (or, I am currently seeing someone), and am not open to any new contacts at this time – but thank you for your interest and for responding to my profile.”

If you’ve written them first and they have not responded, check if they are paid or premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond.

Other people might only check their email every few days, or maybe they are out of town and not answering their email. Cut them a little slack. Follow up and say something like “I hadn’t heard back from you and I just wanted to follow up and make sure that you got my previous email”.

Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested. If it’s allowed, and if you are really interested, you might consider giving them an alternate email address (use a “free” throwaway address, not your primary one), or propose a contact through an Instant Messaging service.

This having been said, don’t be a pest. If you haven’t received a response after one or two follow-ups, assume that they are either not available, not interested, or are at least not interested enough to invest in a paid membership long enough to contact you.

BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems blocking your contact.

MISTAKE #8 - Not having a photo in your profile

If you don’t have a picture in your profile, you are missing out, and drastically reducing your chances of a response.

Many great singles, men and women alike, NEVER answer mails from members without photos - let alone write to them. Some will only SEARCH for profiles with photos, and again, profiles with photos will often be listed first.

Why? Like a paid membership, posting your photo shows that you are serious and sincere. Also, while you can’t always judge a book by it’s cover, most people will still want to get a “sense” of you by seeing what you look like, before contacting you, or responding.

You don’t have to be a supermodel, or even all that handsome or attractive. Someone (if not several someone’s) out there will find you attractive, just as you are.

Besides, eventually you are going to want to meet the “object of your desires”, and you’ll save a lot of time, heartache, and expense by “weeding out” up front the people out there who are only attracted to a pretty face and a svelte body.

Unless you have those, in which case you’re probably not shy about pictures, either!

If you are concerned about privacy (or being recognized by someone you’d rather didn’t, especially if you are posting in a site of a more “adult” nature), take a photo where you are in the distance and hardly recognizable, in a pose that obscures your face, or put on sunglasses. Smiling broadly also changes your face. Let people know that you will send a better photo when they send you one of theirs.

You don’t need to use a professional portrait. In fact, professional portraits often scream “PRO!” - as in someone who is looking for something OTHER than a romantic relationship!

Get a friend to help you take some pictures with a digital camera. Pick out the best ones. It should be clear and well-framed, in a flattering pose, and show you in your best light.

BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.

MISTAKE #9 - Bad body language in the photos

When people look at your photos, they try to figure out what kind of person you are. If you cross your arms of legs, or in any other way “cover” your body on the photos, hunch over, placing a barrier between you and the viewer, you make them think you are timid, insecure and lack confidence.

Use open body language - open palms, arms on the sides of your body - never “covering” it, smile and “look” the viewers in the eyes.

Look at the other profile pictures in the site. Isn’t it amazing how many people fail to post a picture of themselves smiling? They look so miserable, unhappy, and even angry!

Look at the photos of people smiling. Which person would you rather respond to? The person smiling? Or the person who looks like they were sucking on a lemon?

BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language - people make their opinion about your personality by looking at your photos. Smile!

MISTAKE #10 - Giving up

You’ve tried this and that, joined a dozen or more sites, and nothing has (apparently) worked, so you give up: “Internet dating just doesn’t work for me!”

That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and try to figure out WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile.

Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. Try to contact somebody you feel nothing about and see how it goes.

Try a shorter profile – or a longer one. Many people fail to write enough information into their profiles, and don’t give anyone any reason to respond.

Something like, “I’m a voluptuous blonde and I’d like to meet a nice guy here” doesn’t say too much. “I enjoy hiking, camping, Sunday afternoon football, and would like to meet someone between 30-45, who enjoys fitness training and going out to the opera” gives a much better picture of you and what you are looking for.

Maybe you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat the search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Patience is a virtue. And besides, what else did you have going on this Friday night? Isn’t that why you’re here?

Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to just one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!

A good tactic is to try contacting new members as soon as possible after they join. Why? They probably are not overwhelmed yet with contacts and will likely respond eagerly to your overture, where people whose profiles have been listed for awhile may already have more contacts than they can handle.

BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works! All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!

Elena Solomon has worked in online dating since the early days of the Internet. She is the exclusive dating consultant to Soulmades.com.au - an Internet personals website for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun, and is the author of 12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating.